Staff Stories: Cyrus Hamilton-Ferguson
Family redefined: A journey through adoption and parenthood
By Grace DePaull
After years of anticipation and preparation, Cyrus Hamilton-Ferguson has finally finalized the adoption of his second child, a process that began the moment his son was born and only just concluded three years later.
Hamilton-Ferguson always knew he wanted to be a parent and, in high school, even mapped out his early adult life to include children. He dreamed of having a daughter, imagining her room in soft lavenders and whites. However, today, Hamilton-Ferguson finds himself in a house full of boys, his perception of family evolving along the way.
In 2013, Hamilton-Ferguson and his partner decided they wanted to start a family and began exploring their options. He delved into extensive research on surrogacy and adoption, investing a significant amount of time and energy into finding viable avenues. The pair eventually settled on adoption through fostering and began the process of becoming foster parents.
“I remember calling the county Department of Social Services, and the first question I asked them was how do you feel about gay people adopting?” Hamilton-Ferguson said. “It was scary giving that much power to someone for something so important to us. But the response I got was very reassuring, and that was about eleven years ago now.”
As registered foster parents, Hamilton-Ferguson and his partner were asked to create a profile of the type of child they’d like to be a resource for. They hoped to adopt a daughter between the ages of birth and five who was legally free for adoption. However, in urgent situations, the foster care system will occasionally bypass these criteria and contact foster parents for temporary placements. That is how Hamilton-Ferguson first met his eldest son.
“He was everything that our profile said wouldn’t be a match,” Hamilton-Ferguson said. “But when we met him, I connected with him very, very quickly. For me, it certainly went against what I envisioned, but it was an opportunity to think about why I felt like I needed to orchestrate life and family down to a particular detail.”
Hamilton-Ferguson and his partner helped care for the boy, who was in his teens at the time, sharing childcare responsibilities with an elderly foster couple. While the goal was for him to eventually transition into a group home, Hamilton-Ferguson found his perception of family evolving as he formed a deeper connection. In 2021, they ultimately adopted their son, who is now in his twenties.
“He’s an amazing young man who sees the world so differently and forces me to think in new ways, which has been a saving grace,” Hamilton-Ferguson said. “I firmly believe that all things happen for a reason, and life doesn’t need our help figuring itself out. It has opened my eyes to understanding that family isn’t always about our human desires or what we might think we want as parents.”
Throughout his journey, Hamilton-Ferguson’s role at Cornell has proven invaluable to how he and his partner have approached parenting. As the assistant director of Student Disability Services, he finds his personal and professional lives intertwining seamlessly. With two sons who have disabilities, his role at the university has helped him navigate life as a parent.
“We’ve been involved in the process of adopting our youngest son for three years, and it’s been rather stressful,” Hamilton-Ferguson said. “As we neared the end, we were on pins and needles because anything can happen. But as we inched closer to finalizing the adoption, we found ourselves just waiting and holding our breath.”
Even though their youngest son was born into the foster care system, the pair needed to wait a year and a half for him to be freed for adoption. During that time, Hamilton-Ferguson and his partner inevitably bonded with the newborn despite knowing that at any moment he could be taken away.
“It takes a tremendous emotional toll,” he said.
For many adoptive parents, this process can be lengthy, nerve-wracking and expensive. At the time Hamilton-Ferguson and his partner were first pursuing starting a family, many insurance policies did not cover fertility treatments for same-sex couples, and adoption processes often had legal and social barriers that make it difficult for LGBTQ+ couples to adopt.
“We soon recognized that both adoption and surrogacy came with significant costs,” Hamilton-Ferguson said. “I remember feeling that being in a same-sex relationship added an additional financial burden in our journey to start a family. We didn’t initially have access to insurance, so all those expenses needed to come directly out of pocket.”
Although this was his second adoption, Hamilton-Ferguson found himself discovering new resources available to Cornell employees.
Cornell offers an Adoption Assistance Program to benefits-eligible employees, and in spring 2024, the benefit was expanded to increase the eligible reimbursement for adoption expenses from $5,000 to $10,000 per adoption, with a lifetime maximum of $30,000. Also, the university finalized a new surrogacy benefit and has also extended parental leave to adoptive and foster parents.
“My initial thought was, why would Cornell give me money for something that doesn’t impact the institution directly?” Hamilton-Ferguson admitted. “But this aspect makes Cornell an exceptional and unique place to work. It invests in the process of me becoming a parent, and I think that speaks volumes to the university’s dedication to its employees. It’s holistic. Cornell doesn’t stop its support at campus-wide initiatives and services. Instead, it’s committed to the whole person, their dreams and goals.”
Reflecting on the journey, Hamilton-Ferguson is no longer relying on his life’s road map that he created years ago in high school. “Everything happens for a reason,” he said. “The greatest joy in this whole process has been seeing the growth of our two boys. You don’t always realize it in the moment, but looking back, it brings such joy to my heart. Our boys took us in as much as we took them in. In fact, I don’t think we saved them; they saved us.”